"Those five words and the whirlwind began. Shock, excitement, fear and worst of all 'reality'. It took me a while to realise the real affect that the whole experience (being on 'Big Brother 2012') had on me, my friends and my family. A reality TV show isn't actually reality, but what it brought to my attention was the real reality of my life and where I was/am. I started to become aware of my insecurities & strengths, and the experience made me rethink most things about my life.
Before the show I thought I was so happy and had nothing to worry about. I had a great job, an amazing apartment, jazzy car and great friends. The thing is I can now see I was really just masking how I really felt. The house & isolation gave me so much time to think about that and it really became apparent. After leaving the house and feeling like a rock star for a couple of weeks, the first cracks for me was the difficulty in connecting with old friends and family and the painful self-pressure to make everything go back to normal... there was a feeling as though my new world had just been ripped away from me and no one understood how I felt.
Before the house my Mom was my best friend, but after some self-discovery in the house I came out and felt like she was a stranger. I screened her calls for days and only accidentally answered when the Bluetooth connected in my car before I could cancel. To me, that's not normal, and sadly our relationship still isn't the same. It's not the shows fault I feel like this, but I wasn't emotionally prepared to come out with these feelings. Counselling was offered after I had a mini breakdown post a media appearance, but my personal opinion is that he (the practitioner they assigned) had the shows interest ahead of mine and just needed to keep me on side.
One crazy introduction to my life is Social media!! I am literally glued to it and I don't know whether I love it or hate it. Thousands of people following your "life" and making opinions of you based on a photo of yourself at a fabulous event. It's funny, because like the show you don't get the whole story based on a single photo or 30 minute episode. No one sees you worrying how you're going to get home from the fabulous event because you are 100% broke with -$2.08 cents in your account and a maxed out credit card. Again not the shows fault. I was aware I didn't get paid the moment I was evicted I just wasn't prepared for how tough it would be to find employment after the show. But still it's just funny how people are quick to judge."